Every single working day, I'm forced to ride the LRT to compensate for my laziness to drive myself to work and my kakuriputan to spend for gas and pay our driver. And every single day, I am tortured by my rude co-passengers (all female, mind you). So, because I'm an educated person and am frankly too scared to confront these palingkeras in person, I shall rant here on my blog instead.
1) Please do not push and shove when there's plenty of space. Scratch that. Even when we're all squeezed in together like sardines, there's no need to deftly poke me with your elbow. When I'm PMS-ing, I can focus all my energy into shoving you right back.
2) When we're all eagerly anticipating an approaching train, please do not pretend to be a misguided newbie and inch your way to the front of the pack by tiptoeing through the "pulang linya" zone. I WILL rat you out to our fellow disgruntled passengers and send you to the back of the line.
3) If you have managed to lose or drop your ticket/phone/wallet/bag amidst the stampede upon rushing inside the train, please do not throw a tantrum and demand that everyone show you their bags or attempt to push the red button to make the train stop. For one, you should know better and hold on to your stuff like a ninja. And two, if you push that button and cause a ten-minute delay, we will pull your hair out.
4) Speaking of your crowning glory, please DO NOT brush your hair and scratch your scalp in public. I have no idea why some girls are not aware of this basic manners rule.
5) And another one on hair, I really do not appreciate it when we're all squeezed in together and your hair keeps invading my personal space. To avoid kadiri moments of having your hair touch my face and an even more kadiri moment of having your hair touch MY HAIR, please wear it in a ponytail or better yet, a bun.
6) Please abide by the constant reminders to NOT PLAY LOUD MUSIC NOR HAVE LOUD CONVERSATIONS WHILE INSIDE THE TRAIN. No, we do not appreciate your taste in music. There's no need to play it on loud-speaker mode for everyone to hear how much you like Justin Bieber. And no, no one cares about what's going on with your life so please tone it down.
7) When it's rush hour and there's hardly any breathing space left, do not give me an evil look or make parinig about how I'm making siksik because I can assure you, I am not doing it on purpose. If you want space and comfort, go ride a fucking taxi.
8) Also, when there's still space in the middle of the train and your stop is at the end of the line, please do not cling to the entrance rails and not let everyone in. Blocking the entrance does not help, complaining about how everyone's pushing you on their way in our out only shows how stupid you are. You are actually my most favorite person to shove when I'm in a particularly festive mood on board.
9) And lastly, please do not pick fights with your fellow passengers and let the whole LRT world know how much of a palingkera you are. I know it's frustrating to have to ride the train everyday and deal with rush hour but it's actually kind of crass and rude to yell and use offending words just to berate an unsuspecting person who accidentally stepped on you. Again, if you can't take the heat--get out of the train.
So there you have it, my dear LRT passengers. You all actually make me want to shell out extra money and ride the Malabon-Ayala shuttle everyday instead of having to deal with every single one of you each morning.
Peace out, bitches.
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